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Hello, 

I really like reading, and I enjoy consuming other people's thoughts about the world. I LOVE a blogpost, a social media update, a TikTok... you name it. I like being immersed in others' experiences of the world. There is much to gain by looking outwards and inwards at times... I am ashamed to say I have not been reading much really; this damned phone. Of late, I have been scrolling (doom scrolling?) on the electronic record system at work. I would like to believe it keeps me informed and makes up for my not being at work, but I think it is just my addiction to scrolling and difficulty switching off from work. 

Anyway, I live for others' creativity. This morning, I got up to do something as sleep was evading me. One of my favourite newsletters was out, and it was just what I needed. I will link two for the price of one; one and two. 

So in summary: I read some blogs and thought about my own blog, so here are my unpolished thoughts this morning. 

1. Really truly, bless the maker and his water, bless his coming and going. 

I am obsessed with the first Dune books. I can't continue with the second lot because Paul is now a fascist ?? I don't actually know what that word means lol. 

This quote has kept me going through the last couple of weeks. Work has been difficult, and the state of the world has been difficult. My finances are just okay, actually. Like, why do I expect to have £10k saved for emergencies? 

I have found myself gravitating towards it (the quote),  accepting whatever life throws at me, letting it pass, and maybe raging against the dying of the light—but in a live to fight tomorrow kind of way. 

Sometimes when I am really centred, I also remember that fear is the mind killer and I try to rationalise it... 

2. Linked to one - I am so grateful. 

I am home, on annual leave. And I usually have lots to say and feel and complain about, so much shame and discomfort from leaving my comfortable room to be with very annoying people (like my housemates are any better), who I have forgotten their really annoying habits (my family).

But this time, as well as being fed up with our water situation, I am blessing the Maker and his water. I am so glad we have a home and a roof over our heads. Actually, the fact that we have always lived in teachers' quarters has saved my family loads in rent. I mean, sometimes the houses are derelict (like this one) - my government does not believe in maintenance - but all five of us are here and yeah, bless the maker indeed. 

Also grateful for the borderline healthy dynamics, my underemployed siblings can live here (however uncomfortably)...get some kind of support (my parents are really truly quite stingy) and live to fight another day. 

Sometimes I think like this and wonder if this is a form of surrender, and if this is how the big machine wants me to think? To be grateful for scraps while it squeezes and squeezes ?? Who knows??! I am just here saying, thank you, Great Shai-Hulud.

I don't know...I could easily slip into a cult, it seems. 

3. I am so tired now, yawning nonstop. Maybe I'll go back to bed. 

Ummm, the economy is bad! Lol, I tried to buy a 'proper coffee' in one of the supermarkets, and wowza...I will enjoy eating the rich (is this also a form of resignation??). I was this close to buying Frisco and calling it a day. I'm here to say Douwe Egberts is really smooth, great coffee. 

I need to devise a plan for my time here, but also, no pressure. I need to return
to my emails, and maybe do a portfolio entry. 

Live, love, laugh xxx