Lost keys

 I think I am constantly under some pressure and I do okay with it, mostly. But every so often something happens and I am tipped over the ledge. 

The thing that happed today is losing my keys. I usually don’t lock my room because the call out is £100.00 or something. And even this week, when I was locking it, the little voice kept whispering, ‘kana wa go di latha’… lo and behold.  

I have had to ‘sleep’ in the kitchen, the call out man couldn’t open the key box thing. I have decided I am not going to work later today. I just feel so defeated… this feels like one of my greatest failures yet. I am doubly sad because I couldn’t crash at anyone’s in the flat or escalate it somehow. I feel so sad and alone :(  I don’t know what being at home would have done but I am sure I wouldn’t be here. Also rentals without lounge spaces, like does it hurt ??! I need to pee, I need sleep, just a mess. Also the shame of the call in absent emails. 

And my day hasn’t been bad, I inserted a UVC that was actually a UAC lol (I am a surgeon). I just feel so unbeloved of the earth at present. Obviously attributions of this being that and not that is probably what is making a non bad situation feel a thousand times more horrific. 

5am. God please stop huralaling me bruh… if I am still here at 8am, I am gonna get Deliveroo 😭😭 

I think this will probably cost me like £150 and just *screaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmms*

Never not gonna have spare keys. Like a million of them!!

Also I am living this same life (👇🏿)