Subscription emails

I have no original thoughts to share today except: 

If you want to feel loved and cared for by your doctor, visit a sexual health clinic. I have done so three times so far because my vagina keeps whiling (you need to actually be symptomatic, lol), my last visit was yesterday, and yet again, I have felt the most regard for my whole body and mind health.  

My favourite question they ask is, 'Are you safe at home?' Aaaaannnnnnnddddd, they don't do it in a tick-box kind of way. 

 

And they really try to tease out if you are depressed or something...if I had the time, I would have cried (I really need to see my friends more – and not superficially).

 

So, I guess I am a smoker coz he (the doctor) was like, 'You've deadass never smoked at all??' And I was like...I mean, yeah, the odd cigarette here and there when I am drunk, and he put down smoker...the shock! 

But I left so satisfied and listened to, and I think my vagina will be okay soon. [Do I overshare? Who cares?... Gonna be a fossil fuel one day, and all this won't matter.] 

Unoriginal thoughts 

I subscribe to a few feel-good email newsletters. I actually read them, and they, for the most part, spark something good in me. 

Below are excerpts (seen in quotation marks) from them and the thoughts they sparked.

''

I was, and continue to be, under immense pressure from all sides. I work in a high-pressured job, I co-own a high-pressured enterprise, I have high-stakes relationships, and I have high-pressured responsibilities pressing which, in the last few months, admittedly had me by the neck. I got to July after months of non-stop work and production and mercifully gave myself permission to rest. 

… 

The ugly for you might manifest a little differently. For me, my ugly looks like poor sleep, a short fuse, and overworking myself to the point of physical exhaustion. It looks like, at its extreme, poor prioritization, existential dread, and doubting whether I am living a purposeful life in any case...

''

I absolutely feel myself slipping, and it is scary – the triggers: 

1. Relocation  
2. Anxiety over a new job and potential performance and previous mistakes  
3. I am unsure of what I am doing regarding my portfolio and career
4. I feel pretty distant from most friends, and I don't like that, or rather I feel bad about that, as I absolutely value my friendships
5. I am also anxious about money now – e.g., to change my insurance is just £400.00 alone. Need to buy a revision question bank thing probs another £180, and need to book exams; although that will be later, I'm still anxious. Money and strikes kaha... but got to stay above the water.  

 

I don't think I am doing any toxic coping except for the following: 

1. Spending money me not have  
2. Being lazy  
3. Being on the phone too much  
4. Avoidance  

So significantly toxic... I need to get on my Zoom. 

 

[Someone is talking so loud on their phone in the library, and it's just not fair... they sound elderly, but still not fair.] 

 

The counters. 

The intended counters: 

1. More walking – 5 km a day  
2. Good meals – big ass salad with lots of protein and water – eat mostly at home – but you can eat out too  
3. Studying 30 mins a day somehow  
4. See mentor – soon  
5. Meet up with supervisor soon  

 

Advice from another email newsletter:   

 

Make post-work fun  

1. Walk  
2. Indulge in your fave things (see my last point) 
3. Clean up  
4. Read  
5. See friends  
6. Write and read more?? 

Last excerpt... 

"Life is short — don't get too caught up in trying to clear your to-do list. There will always be more things on your list than you can manage (even if you fully optimize your life). Spend time with loved ones." 

 

Happy Wednesday, beloveds...modimo o teng e bile o mogolo and o na le rona ka metlha yothe. Xxx 

 

And lastly...(moving like Christianity and threatening you to see the joy and beauty of life or else... ) 

Postscript 

The email newsletters: 

1. Optimise Me by Renne  
2. Slow growth