begin again - mary oliver

Hello,

I will not even do the 'oooh... I am so sorry for my inconsistency hewe hewe...' I am not. I am a normal, regular civillian, ama act like it. 

Oh, but what a beautiful summer it has been! Full of life's woes, yes, but it has also been full of good vibes, sunshine, and the warmth of love from lovers, friends, and family. Re leboga modimo. 

Tomorrow, I start ST1 paediatrics and welele...I have been so all over the place (Paris, Portugal, the purgatory that is looking for a place to live) that I haven't made space for it. I am high-key nervous and trying to act nonchalant to avoid being overly disappointed by the many possible mishaps...lol, like that has ever stopped life. 

What am I feeling? Well,... scared, but I haven't really wanted to think about it, so I listened to a lovely book. It covered all of today's issues... a little too well and maybe too much (you know when a book has everything wrong with the world and you are there like, hmmmmmm, trying too hard, but it is done well enough that I can't fault it). It is a 4.5/5 for me and mainly for the way Covey and Bonnie's love story was set: how it manifested, how it transcended it all and came out as the purest and most beautiful love, the best regard one can have for the person they absolutely adore. 

What else? So sad to be leaving Surrey. I love this county so much... I will try life in North London yeah, but trust me, any little stress my psyche determines too much; I will be back here. In a heartbeat! You know when you go somewhere, and your heart just says...yes, and is stilled and yes. This was Surrey for me. Because I liked my job, I was able to get on the bank and make extra cash with locums, so finances stayed cute, my housemates were lovely, and my room was gorge...so maybe it isn't all Surrey, but still. I will also miss planespotting and being awed by the sheer size of Airbus300...

I found somewhere to live in the interim... some at the 11th-hour type thing, it can only be Allah. It is still up in the air at present; I will know for certain tomorrow. Planning to stay there while I get my savings up, get my head right, and just do house hunting right... I feel I need to be closer to the area to get a better idea of what I am working with and maybe also get two salaries or something so I am absolutely sure of my budget. 

Today's evening walk really felt like the appropriate closing of this chapter. The sunset was glorious, and well, I have loved and been loved (by my job, house, housemate, and neighbourhood), which is enough. I hope that (this love and Surrey wholesomeness) cosmically...somehow sets the precedence of things to come, but you know what... this was enough, actually more than enough. Whatever my next lot will be... I will take it in my stride and ask for help along the way...

The title ...the horror it is not even by Mary Oliver...

Some snaps of today's sky...

To life, and its endless posibillities 💚

Happy fall and happy new week, x 

[actually wrote this a way of avoiding aimless scrolling on tiktok and well to offload...but not too bad for something that is a 35 minutes gig... my apologies if it doesnt read right]