one last one for june

Dear Reader, 

I thought perhaps if I journaled, I would get to the root of my laziness and that it would spark some productivity. What do I need to be productive for? My essay. Without even getting further, I already have an idea; look through the week's guide of the part I am struggling with on the assignment (women in project management consultancy, haha). 

Anyway, I think I am tired of Summer - said no one ever - but I am. I have been at this since April, when I did the Wales and Bristol break. Loved the seaside though, love it, love it! 

always so blue, so big and so beautiful 

Then May, with its many bank holidays. I did a cycling with friends thing in Cambridge. It is so good to have friends you see fairly regularly...it definitely dampens the inflammatory response. And Paris, I think I am growing to love Paris, and I want to see more of France and get to know Karabo's friends; also, I love his space-ish. 

The grand Palace of Versailles...I don't know rich people (also royalty) were always on the wrong side of history, 

how do you have such an abode and its one of many??!
 aee straight to the guillotine!

the street vendors by Seine sell this wine and cigarette duo pack.
 I love it, its giving French Realness

Then I am back here, trying to find a house/room for ST1, trying to plan a bridal shower and failing dismally, trying to finish my diploma, trying to keep the enthusiasm at work, trying to do bank shifts so that August is not zero income month, obviously planning more vibes, hiking, festivals, trying to get my steps in and trying to do it all - not really. One thing I know about me; I do not harbour any hopes or wishes to do it all, at all! All I am trying to say is I am tired, lazy, bothered and unbothered at the same time. 

I am so happy it rained though; I hope we get at least a week of rain and then go back to the sunshine. 

What else? My profession will strike for pay restoration for the foreseeable future, and well... sign me up. Everything is expensive, especially going to London, no ma'am, please pay us. 

I am obviously anxious about being a terrible paeds trainee and failing all the exams, but what can current me do about any of that?? Just write this, I guess lol.

Also, I have taken to watering our garden during this dry period, and the trees have started flowering. I think I caused it with the watering, and I am very pleased with myself and my efforts. 

I wanna stop looking like a bum, but beauty is exhausting...how do I break into this put-together-that-girl/it-girl-business? I do 10K steps a day. Imagine my grandma at my age worrying about all these silly things... lol...she was married and had a community; we are not the same. 

Snapped on one of my 10K steps a day quest...people live like this dawg...I too want a Weybridge-by the river mac-mansion...walking though? Goated!

This is so disjointed. Bottom-line, I am anxious and overwhelmed, still enjoying some parts. 

I don't think I like pets...especially furry ones.

I'm going to play one game of scrabble with a bot, send a few messages, drink some water, post an insta, read one of my email subscription posts and then do my diploma work...light work, no reaction. 

Sending you all love and hugs. May the cosmos, God, Allah, and mother nature be gentle with all of us. 

x