This one is on my phone

dreaming of a beautiful space with a beautiful bookshelf 

Lol, I think things keep getting worse…well, not really…only in my head [i think]…right now, I am feeling the angst of not being a UK national. But then again, for some reason, there is a level of, ‘Well, what will be…will be’…a certain not nonchalance but a little chalance, that is like manageable. #locusofcontrolthings

So…HR clearance is pending, I can’t work! I will not get paid but what am I gonna do, force them to clear me ? No. Would I rather break the law? No. I always have this this thought when dealing with HR in my line of work, ‘I just knew this would happen… ne nka hakgamala’ but I probably could have been more proactive…so we are sharing the blame here. Just sad because if I knew this is where we would be, I’d be in Bots right now. 

I am such a hasty bastard and that leads to very wrong decisions… all the times. However, I really believe I was tricked here. So I do a viewing yeah, beautiful home, no issues. I ‘check in’ and all of a sudden I am in Bridget Jones' apartment with the thickest most pungent cigarette cloud over me. I had to open the window - in this cold! I always just think; I am so hypocritical with smoking. I smoke when I am drunk, before getting engaged I would happily lock tongues with a random that smokes and be just…WHORE! But it’s the one thing I can’t hack! Truly. Luckily, I think, I don’t think…there is no minimum tenancy. Ke ta bona, otherwise I will just have to get COPD. This recklessness is costing me a pretty dollar…but what can I do ?? Isss not like ama buy a house.

If you bought a house, would you get a lodger ? I just feel like the economy is off, like you will think about your love for personal space when inflation gets better. I think I would, get a lodger that is…but it’d have to be those impossible SpareRoom ads…ones specifically asking for a super clean nymph instead of a human being. I think men probably have a terrible fill rate of their SpareRooms…but probably not. My order is:

- live out landlord 

- live in female landlord 

- live in couple landlords 

- exhaust everything…absolutely everything 

- live in males

Anyway, I better sleep. I had scrolled all I could and thought, why not. Again, it’s really carthatic (is this spelling correct ? Lol the red lines don’t show on here). 

I literally have a headache 🤕 

Hey, maybe this is vlogmas ? I know normal people aren’t this self-absorbed…my défense is I wanna become a writer so this is practice. I listened to an audiobook by Dolly Alderton, the agony aunt one, good, [just what you need to hear when you are ruining your life…] and I think my best book or my only ever book authored by me would be something like that.

I am not going to do a proper edit on this, it’s 0238!!!

 Good night, x