Another story

 If I told you that, once again, I am homeless, going through another visa woe, and soooo unprepared for many other things happening right now, what would you say?? Yeah, I would say the same thing too, " I AM THE DRAMA!", "It's me; I am the problem; it's me"

Anyway, what will be will be... nna ke ya lenyalong!

I know that the cost is disappointment: disappointing others and feeling like one, and coming off as very non-committal and a terrible team player, but I might just get like three or so weeks off this Christmas, which is astounding, unpaid or not!! If I don't find a room by Friday next week, I will leave everything in storage and deal with it all upon my return. Sufficient for the year are its troubles thereof... 

I do have a good feeling about this change though. I continuously offer supplications and intercessions to the Cauldron and The Mother so that it all works out. I absolutely hate sharing an office. People are so loud and have so much going on with their lives that talking about it fills the whole day, and I can't. I am at a local library today; what beautiful things libraries are. 

I sometimes browse through my old reflections or journal entries...man, I am such a troubled girlie when I wanna be. Just grateful it is not stuff that affects functionality. I am losing track of this post. Umm, the year is ending, and all in all, it has been a good year. I am grateful for plenty, plenty! It is funny... something Mer said, you don't realise that you are in the best days of your life until they have passed.  I have had a good year, I have learnt a lot about myself, and there is still loads to learn, and I can't wait to gobble it all up next year, drink from the fountain of knowledge that is experiencing life and observing how others tackle it. 

I have finally decided to apply for postgraduate medical training!!! I am going to do paediatrics - if they will have me. I better do it now, and maybe I will have another break in four years to complete my master's in medical education. I think there is a lot I can be in the future if I am competitive enough. I am only slightly competitive but flexible and willing to kiss a few frogs along the way (jobs in terrible places to get the skills and paid-for qualifications). The downside of training is that the next four years of my life will be gruelling with long shifts, multiple rotations and exams....I have always found such conditions good for my sense of direction and discipline. I am hopeful and positive about it (if I can get in, that is). 

People are generally not okay. Unfortunately, all we can do is be kind and advocate for better policies; there aren't a lot of words left to say that will make a difference. 

Really grateful for my car. I do not think it will pass its MOT next year though. 

I am reading the last book of the series: "A Court Of Thorns and Roses".  We thank The Mother for writers and their life-saving creativity. I wonder what I am gonna have for dinner? Today is the day I buy my ticket home yeah...

A lot is so uncertain; half the time, I don't know if I am real or not or if I am a good person, and I am anxious (about even the littlest of things) a lot...But every day there are lots of flowers that I can stop to smell and enough sunshine to warm my tired bones (figuratively)... I shall hold on to that while I journey towards my desired life. I probably need to decide what exactly is my desired life. 

Happy holidays, x

In the series I am reading, The Cauldron is the source of all magic and life (good or bad)... in my everyday life, it's a pub, and that is okay.