Strugggliiinggg

 Lol, 

I feel like writing...or rather, I feel a certain restlessness that I know is sometimes helped by writing. Had a latte earlier, and I think I have reverted to caffeine naivete because I am currently experiencing that caffeine-induced inner restlessness. Plus, TikTok has ruined my attention span; trying to complete my weekly tasks (WOMEN IN MEDICAL SOCIAL SCIENCES!!!!) is one hell of an uphill battle at the moment, and that is how I ended up here. Here = looking at and possibly editing a blog post from October 2021. 

"
It took me another 5 weeks to come back here (back to engaging with the course material). Learning o le generally unhappy is really difficult. And then add on learning whilst working a job e o sa itseng gore o dira eng; wild as mushrooms. Learning go sena di lesson, e le all you just half raw dogging it, also really difficult. But I will tell you one thing, the girl tries. Or several things actually; the girl loves learning, she loves expanding her skill set, and I suppose just 'growing'. I am writing essays, love. Who would have ever thought ?? And it is fun. Keeping it a hundred, the course feels like the only highlight of this job. 

I really need to poop but ke mo ga batho and well...I have already been downstairs to pee. I will go in 30 minutes. Hate this. Praying for baby and me to have our own living space (you've probably guessed that I was in baby's space, and I didn't want to leave the room). 

Anyway, all this is to say that learning doesn't happen in a vacuum; your feelings and environment matter. 

"

1st September 2022

I had to remove the subsequent paragraph...too much yeast talk. The last sentence seems a little lost too. I think, at some point, I was using this platform as a reflection space for my postgraduate medical education certificate weekly tasks. 

Anyway, I came to my blog because I wanted to read how wise-old-zen me was coping with relocation and house hunting in 2021. It feels deja-vu-y. Add in the no visa yet issue then you have the exact same situation. I really don't care about the visa; that is my truth. A house/flat is what I really need. 

I haven't actually read how I was dealing with it, but I suppose I am reminding myself that we have been there, done that, and we've survived, and thus - it will be okay soon. I am a lot more pessimistic now...so I don't really believe that. Also, I wouldn't really call living in Ashford 'survived' - accommodation-wise anyway, so there is also that. However, the positive tiger really believes it will all work out. 

Umm, you know when you read a book and the writer has that go-to word or phrase that is on every page? Mine has to be 'anyway'. The poor word must be so tired of me. I need to learn more conjunctions and sentence starters. 

In closing, my circle of life is...has circled back again. It is not a good time, but it is also not a terrible time either. We shall see where the winds end up blowing me. Maybe I will take you guys on the journey of relocation, maybe we will talk about last year's weird vibes, or maybe I will even start writing more regularly. This post is really all over the place; you can tell I haven't been doing this for a while. My apologies.

Just got a Zoopla alert... sigh. 

Lastly, hello guys, how are you? Genuinely hope you are all well; wishing you really good fortune in the new season. 

Love and light, x