The end of medical school.

Hello,

This was drafted on tenth of April, after my last exam, then season fifteen of Grey's anatomy happened and then I went away for the weekend, I will upload it today (I feel so serious lol). Also I am only seeing-seeing my title now and well The End of Love - Florence and The Machine. I have been reading a lot of productivity/self-help blogs and let us just say they shamed me into finishing this post so let's get down to it.

Technically, I am kind of done. The thing with whoever designs our timetable is that they are a bit sadistic. Always have been. Although I finished my examinations yesterday, I still have about three months of placement left before the whole thing is officially over. Therefore it doesn't have that 'I am done!' dramatic effect. My God, it has been a ride and a half. This week's exams alone were an interesting turn. I feel some relief, my stress levels have definitely come back down. I am feeling slightly reflective, we will see where this post leads.

First of all, I would do it all over again. Yes, I would attend all the biochemistry lectures, anatomy cadaver sessions, the communication sessions, the whole lot. I have grown so much, as anybody would find they have at the end of university. I know what cortisol is (sorry, I couldn't think of anything more exciting) and I know the five steps of breaking bad news (or are they six ?). I probably have like five thousand new words added to my vocabulary, so I guess you can say I have done a whole lot of learning. Another layer, I have grown so much as a human being, my heart has been opened to the world of suffering and the miraculous genius of medicine.  I have a better appreciation of health, youth and just life, and have made okay friends with death. I have also gotten better at some of the adulting aspects; CV building, budgeting and trying to eat three meals a day. My course has brought me so much joy and I'd do it again and again.

I think pre-clinical years were the worst! Physiology, pharmacology and pathology dribbled ya girl. 

The whole process of university has been incredibly lonely though. I thought yesterday about how I couldn't even be asked to go out for drinks, I just...I haven't formed any deep friendships in uni. I don't know if it was my lack of trying or maybe I that I really didn't care for people's cats or that my year group was surprisingly very cliquey.  I am still really struggling with people's humour here, I thought five years would have yielded more friends but here we are. At the start, I relied heavily on my Christian Union, non-medic international students and Batswana friends. Look at where at where that left me ? But it is still cool (whilst being cool, I guess it is also a lesson for me to put more effort in future relationships). 

I also learnt that I love-love vodka and gin, that I don't care much for ciders, beer and whisky. That it is possible to go ham on Monday night and do just fine on Tuesday lab session (as long as you did the prep work - balance). I learnt that it is really okay that your drinking friends aren't your friends-friends. I know for a certain that my parents must have met in a club because I live for the club scene. Also, hobbies actually need you to put in the time (I didn't try hard enough). 

University will/can crush your academic confidence (A levels did that for me) but still uni will crush you some more. You can't really bullshit your way around it (unless you are a really good bullshitter). Also even if you do the work, sometimes you have done it wrong and you need to ask for help. You can average seventy-percent and still not rank in the top half of the year group. You will stress about it, fight it a little bit and finally accept it. I am going to be bold here and say, I don't think medical school was hard hard. It was hard to get in, hard to get a distinction but not hard hard (I said it with my chest, my results better be good). I have never had to deal with writing a proper essay or non-ending group projects nor math that doesn't have numbers, so I think we had it pretty good. It was perhaps harder in the sense the volume of stuff we needed to know was a lot, that you had more contact time (drained your spirit and soul), no past papers and that practical exams stay taking advantage of your nerves but that is about it.

Here; when I brought out the big guns after soft-failing January exams in first year. 

You will cry, cry your eyeballs out, sometimes for something you can't exactly pin point. The joys! It is a somewhat fun process, you may or may not find yourself during the process. A hell hole, a refreshing inspiring place it has been for me (and will continue to be for the next three months). You know, I didn't even know anything about mental health til I got to uni, it can get a bit deep. Oh and don't get me started on the filthy housemates, the broke-ness and the homesickness. Uni can bring much pain...Lastly, not all of us meet the loves of our lives in uni, it be like that some times. I wish I could write more but I have completely forgotten my writing points from last Wednesday. I will do better next time, sorry.  Actually, it'd be fun to hear about your (you readers') uni experiences too.

I think it helped that our tutors were sort of nice.

There you have it folks, I am kind of done. Now I am worried sick about my results (the joys), packing for BW and living a well balanced out of school life; gym, a hearty meal here and there, naps, a walk every now and then, some online shopping. Life can be good!

Love and light xxx