random

Hello guys,

I haven't been writing because that is just how it bees sometimes. I wish I was sorry but I am not. This isn't even a fresh post, I was on my drafts and I just thought, why not? I am sorry if it is all wishy-washy, lol. This is something I drafted for my birthday but did not upload. And it goes a little something like this...enjoy.

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I think we grow and we learn. With the years we become better people (I hope). Less homophobic because we hiding behind religion, more open 'to life and its endless possibilities'. We diversify our sex routines and our palettes. We start appreciating that we are actually privileged and we need to speak out for those who are less so. We move away from just Mills and Boon type novels and read about other things as well...we start seeing what our parents mean by the wisdom of age, heck we start seeing our parents as more than just parents. I am twenty-five years old. Older. And I just wanted to come here and be vain.

I think the greatest thing I have ever done for myself to date; is loving myself. Or at least deciding to try and love myself better/fully. 

Gosh...I got overwhelmed saying that. A little tear. I used to hate myself. I hated my acne, my darker neck, my toes, where I was from and the like. I hated a whole lot of things about who I was and what I looked like. I also harboured a whole lot of other things as a teenager (not healthy).  All of that just fostered incredible amount of self-hate. I am so glad, I broke out of that. It took a shit tonne of self-help books, love and light meditations and whatever else (I have to admit the 'whatever else' was the people around me and my family telling me gore I am worthy and beautiful in my own way). It took agggggggeeeeeeeesssss.... I look at myself now and think 'yasss sis, you did it'. 

When I did, I truly blossomed. The me that you see today is because I love myself. That is it (not quite but for the purpose of this post we will go with that). I (have since) felt lighter, I stopped (lol at stopped) comparing myself to whoever,  and it feels good. I am so sad at the years I missed not loving myself. I am genuinely heartbroken at the fact that I once thought I wasn't it; I wasn't beautiful, wasn't worthy of love, wasn't kinda cool, wasn't amazing etc. I am fucking amazing!! In every sense of the word. I see why my mother would get so heartbroken when I said something negative about myself. I (finally) see what Winnie was seeing all those years. 

Anyway, this was prompted by a few of my birthday messages. I am truly light. I am a vibe. I am so loving, so kind, so beautiful and just...all of that. This is in spite of and despite all my short comings. I am a better friend, a better stranger, better trainee doctor and whatever else because out of my heart flows self-love (and other good things but you get the point).

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 How is that for a Tuesday morning read? haha

Go forth and be the light my beloveds,


x