So few are the grains of happiness...

I really miss things being normal. So much! The next sentences are going to sound selfish, I apologise. Corona is really messing up with my learning man. I miss managing an acute asthma case, or being quizzed on the anatomy of the inguinal canal (never could memorise it, but still). I miss being taught-taught. I feel like I am haemorrhaging medical knowledge and it is getting to me. I could be a surgical junior doctor by now, do you know how independent surgical junior doctors are? They don't even flinch when they have to discuss scans with the mighty radiologists.

Do not get me wrong, I am grateful. Miss Rona means no unnecessary admissions. We have been getting quality cases of late; demyelinations, metabolic crises, once in ten years congenital cardiac malformations, the juicy stuff. A whole lot less admin than usual but ahh no maann. I feel stuck, unstimulated, like I am getting deskilled. I hate it. I need to do something about my learning, anything. The 'something' is probably going be me reading up on an interesting case from the week and maybe doing a powerpoint presentation on it, for myself. Motivation will just have to find me. It is going to be hard to study when everything is just bleggghh but hopefully studying will keep my spirits up.

Anyway, hello guys, how are we doing?
On the whole, I think I am fine. Genuinely...but I am not sure. My days are made up of work (which draaaaggs), cooking, eating, showering (I shower a lot more now, who would have thought?), some leisure reading, video calls with family and friends, Facetiming my boyfriend (my boyfriend!!!), copious amounts of social media and it is all meh. I miss the outside dearly. I miss the outside with white ghels looking all shhhnacky at the train station - heading to a hell of a weekend in Manchester. Or children playing happily in a park...a concert, brunch in an overpriced restaurant...anything. Turns out we are truly social creatures after all.

Last year around this time I was living my best life. Had allowance; did Scotland, came back and finished uni, got my degree, went to the BSU tournament and I was going home for my elective. What I wouldn't give! I guess memories of past fun times are carrying me through, but if this doesn't go away soon, we are all going to lose it.

In summary: currently hating it here.

But in everything (there is a Bible verse that starts like this), above all else and as far as it has to do with us; love and light. Let us be kinder to ourselves and to each other. Let us spread the light of non-fake news and generosity where we can, even if it's just a smile.

April 2019: I was three quarters into a bottle of vodka here...good times man.

Love and light

x

PS -

1. Currently reading - 21 Lessons of the 21st century (#wokeghelzworldwide)
2. So few are the grains of happiness - a poem (my sad poem, I am not really sad - just disgruntled). Need to go back to reading poetry, I am forgetting my poems. 
3. The Bible verse.
4. Just realised a little bit of my last paragraph sounds like Desiderata...so here.

I will tone it down with links next time lol. Thanks for reading.