Sunlight

I have been lost to you...sunshine.

First of all, Friday nights with no hoes just suck! Wow!!

Now that that is out of the way; Hello! Your favourite (flaky) ray of sunshine coming to you once more. Phew, I had big dreams for my blog, I really did. But until those big dreams materialise this is what will be. I am sorry I am so flaky, I am sorry I have not been writing - I am just sorry. I am sorry we sound like we are in a toxic relationship. I know you love me (or at least my writing) and I love you guys so yeah, let us keep it moving.

Ahhh the title...it is Hozier's song which I am crazy about at the moment. I have to say, I really underestimated Wasteland,Baby!  Never again. Sunlight is a sunny, hopeful, happy song which reflects exactly how I have been feeling lately. Also, I saw Hozier perform live! All the moments and highs of my life culminated in that fateful Saturday evening in London. I have been changed, I am not the same, my life has meaning now, I am complete and lacking nothing, I probably don't need to go to any other concert for the rest of my life!! Daddy Long Legs ate up that performance! Hozier is ART! And I am forever moved. Set alight! He was magical!! YOU JUST HAD TO BE THERE! And considering that this was my birthday gift to myself which I had to sell because of work and that I was on the waiting list for tickets - God really does make things perfect in His own time, honestly. When I am ready (lol), I will upload the vids on my insta, I am just still soaking in it.

I am happy to say since I knew I was gonna see him live, my life has been happy. I have been on a rollercoaster that only goes up my friend (aghh Gus, rest in peace)! I have literally been so happy - I just can't put it in words. I have been feeling like myself again. I have been dancing and singing, and journaling and dreaming and just happy. Honestly, happiness is my talent, the one thing I am really good at and I am so happy she is back with me for now. I feel invincible!

What is making me happy ?

One, as mentioned above, Hozier.

Two, I am almost out of debt. I only owe my parents now and I think I can pay them back next month and I will be free. Awwww what a sweet day that will be.

Three, have lost weight, I think two and a half kilos. My jeans fit and I feel lighter and just more confident and it's a vibe. I don't have to buy new jeans at the moment. Also my weight loss has come so easy (ish), all I had to do was eat salads, drink moderately and mind the sugar. I have been exercising as well which is helping with the endorphins. I really should be a lifestyle coach - I got all of this on lock. I am going to make an amazing adult.

Four, I am reading again. The last proper book I read was probably We Need New Names way back in April and that was not good. Reading is really one of those things that keeps me alive, helps me switch off and I just love it. My favourite former blogger mentioned Women Who Run With The Wolves in her tweets and I was intrigued. It is the first book I bought when I got paid back in August. I really don't know how to describe it, it almost like a self-help book I never knew I needed. But it is above a self-help book; it is more like a manual for creative, intuitive, balanced living based on psychoanalysis cases and ancient folklore. It is amazing! I am finding myself in there, the eyes of my eyes are open...and I just. I am probably not gonna give this one away.

I am tired of counting, work is also getting better. I am getting used to how dystopian actually being a doctor is compared to being a med student. I am adjusting to the hours and the emotional demands and I am finding some little joys in the midst of all that; a smile from a patient, a heartfelt thank you from a colleague, a rewarding day where you actually make a difference in someone's life even in the littlest of ways...( when I catch positivity - it can become nauseating, sorry).

There is one big thing that is still hanging over me but alas...we move. #HappyGirlzWorldWide

So yeah, I am happy. I hope you all are too. And if you aren't... hold on. The sun will shine on you again. I love you all so much!!

(and from the bottom of my heart)

Love and light,

x

Below are my sunlight snaps from Wednesday's day drinking! I HAD GIN! And my skirt and the sun...vibes. Just for vanity really...also help my hair, please!

Each you'd rise with me...know that I would gladly be...

death trap clad happily... It is love and it's decisive pain...

I been known to you...flew like a moth to you, sunlight sunlight...<3

Footnotes;

1. Not sure I used culminated right lol
2. This post has reminded me of this poem- https://allpoetry.com/love-after-love
3. Gus from the Fault in our Stars - highly recommend the book 10/10
4. And of course -https://www.wolfson.ox.ac.uk/~ben/writings/ithankyouGod.html