Various storms

Obviously this isn't revolutionary or anything...but you will understand when you get to paragraph five.

Hello, 

Pheeeewwww, life can happen hey. I know this is a period of negativity and whatnot in my life, I do not like it but I swear, it has been proper downhill since graduation. Being part of the 'love and light'...'lean and sage' and 'manifesting' squad...I get a bit qualm-y about saying things are rough, but honestly, they are. Yesterday, I had a full on crying-sesh. For hours! I even felt sick after. It's a good thing my housemate was out. I pretended Orange Is The New Black was the trigger but we all know that is a lie. This season of OITNB is amazing by the way, a solid 8/10, would 10/10 recommend. 

To be honest, the worst that could happen is that I could end up back home sooner than I expected, as in Botswana. I mean it'd make it difficult to pay back my current loans within the agreed period but that is the worst that could happen. I am literally laughing at the moment, because LOL hey. Obviously, I do not want that but hey... Am I oversharing? I feel like I am oversharing. Also what I am realising is; I really don't do well with not being happy. I just want to feel happiness, excitement and positive vibes, anything else I just shut down. Also, money. Money is important. My parents were right, I do love money. At the moment, I have just enough to get by and that just sucks. I have to be so bleggghhh about not getting costa coffee(shout out), not buying books, not travelling to other cities, buying gifts...I just can't. Can't. 

So basically that is me being honest and vague at the same time. Just send me hugs and love, and prayers. 

In the same breath, I am functional, maybe less functional but still functional. I wash my face twice a day, moisturise and sunscreen, and I drink water. It helps, haven't had a breakout since a while ago. I eat salads for dinner, turns out they aren't that expensive. Besides I have many tins of tuna in my cupboard. My hair is also good and no, I haven't gotten back to exercising yet but hey...baby steps. 

The things that are carrying me through all of this are, my family - God bless them, my friends - I love you guys and music - honestly. I also gratitude-journal when I can. It makes me more aware of things that are not going so horribly and that helps, to a degree. And myself in some way, I give myself pep talks in front of the mirror and binge on pinterest quotes. And lastly, I read affirmations - I told you guys it was deep. The book is called Mind Platter by Najwa Zebian. Basically, I read Merlotmami's blog and she plugged Nectar Of Pain by her too. I got Nectar of Pain for a friend and realised I really liked it (in passing I guess). Then I was in exclusive books in Gabs and long story short, I was gifted both books. I guess you have to give to receive or whatever...that is not the point. Anyway, I don't like Nectar of Pain so much now. It is just too break up-y and sad...she talks too much about this guy and I feel like she should get it together. I just didn't enjoy it, maybe I need a catastrophic break up or something to relate to it. Buuuuut Mind Platter though, I love it. And I know we think affirmations/words of advice are sad/cringey but hey...any port in a storm; they have been helping. In terms of how much, or in what way, really can't say.  

So yeah beloveds, that is the current situation. We shall see. Thank you for coming back, I appreciate you. Though I don't feel it at the moment, love and light. Go tla siama, I guess.

xxx

The link to Merlotmami's blog https://comewinewithmedotblog.wordpress.com

I just had a proper look, it was a different 'nectar collection of poems' lol....but she also plugged Questions for Ada, it will always remind me of my girl Matlotlo. I love the book, highly highly recommend it. 

Love and light xxx

(this time I mean it, it takes very little for me to perk up)