Birthdays and New years

I am always writing these days because studying is boring, maybe if I was doing theory but OSCESs are a downright bore, especially on my own. My housemate is doing night shifts so she spends most of the day sleeping. I love my housemate, I love her very much, she is by far the best housemate ever. Clean, responsible, not noisy, gives me space and she is beyond resourceful. I am happy we are growing somewhat into a friendship. I think I would wanna live with only her next year. But as you have seen, I am happy/ready to move to a different house; modern, well priced, near a gym and a grocer and in a lovely neighbourhood and close to the hospital, universe do your thing. 

Anyway, I am listening to 'Truth is a beautiful thing’, other than ‘strong' I didn’t know much about London Grammar, I still do not know a lot of the songs from previous albums but this one, this album is the one. It is up there with some of my favourite albums. All the feels in the world. Currently reading the Five Love Languages, a bore. I really used to enjoy such books? Also, can I say, I now fully know what kind of books I love; I love stories, well written stories with fully developed characters interacting with each other and their environments. Them changing, breaking, dying or surviving. Just for the record. 

That said though, the book isn’t so bad. It has made me think of my love language. I think it is physical touch. The top three being touch, affirmative words and quality time. If I were to pick one, it’d definitely be touch. Not even sex, just touch, caring touch, hugs, kisses, massages, oil my hair, cuddles, booty rubs…the lot. I cannot wait to explore such concepts in my future marriage lol.

Also, my birthday. This dreaded day. I really hate my birthday. I know everything is in my mind and the feelings I feel are from my thoughts, but still I hate it. It has grown to be the loneliest day of my existence, I get all moody and teary around it. I just can’t anymore. I hate how alone I always feel, I hate that to this day none of my friends have thought, ‘Maatla would deffo like a surprise birthday party’, fuckers. Also hate that my friends are so far away. I long for the Nando’s family meals we used to have on the day and all the speeches my family would give, about how I am so amazing, because I really am. Meh… Also, I know I should take gently the counsel of the years, but ahh I don’t wanna grow old. I am almost thirty(a reach), I know a whole lot of life lies ahead but still. Can we pause it right here and enjoy this, my prime. Can I have two years in one year to find out what works for me,  decide on a speciality, get my savings in order and finally develop my capsule wardrobe? No? I am not depressed or anything, I just cannot wait for Wednesday when it is all over. I am grateful for life though @God, this is not to say anything sideways. I already got myself a present, don’t think I got myself anything last year. 2017, when I was swimming in money, I got my self a Guess handbag, it will forever be one of my favourite purchases. This year I got tickets to go see one of my favourite artists in Manchester, somewhere during September. I don't feel anything about the purchase yet. However, the tickets were incredibly cheap so I thought why not? Otherwise, I will continue to give myself the gift of self love blah blah. 

But yeah…that is it. I feel so much release when I write about what is weighing on my mind. I liken it to that feeling of feeling like you have gotten the heaviness off your chest through puking after binge drinking…just more graceful. 

Part 2 

You know, when it is approaching Valentine’s and you start getting worked up about what to get your lover, and you start being incredibly stressed. Then after the day passes and you are like, ‘What was I even stressing about ?’ I mean, I imagine that is what lovers feel. Or before your exam and you are worrying yourself sick and then after the paper go, ‘what even was I stressing about ?’ I feel like that is what I did with my birthday (as above). I was showered with so much love, my friends and family came through for me. Still somewhat lonely but not as bad as I imagined it would be. I am grateful for that. Sadly, there was no puking and drinking…you really can’t win them all. 

Now, spring is here, one more week of placement (and don’t be fooled, I am studying) then exams. Really looking forward to catching up on the latest season of Grey’s anatomy after and finally seeing my mum and dad and their other kids. Ummmm…I am starting to feel myself get worked up about graduation; what I will wear, my hair, who will be there, will I even graduate and the like, but I will keep it at bay. 

Lastly and more importantly, please please buy/get We Need New Names by Noviolet Bulawayo. An excellent excellent book, a book so relatable. Imagine reading about sunlight soap and seeing the words like mgodyi and fotshek in a book. Humorous and heartbreaking at the same time. I am about halfway through it and I am going to say it is my favourite read of this year so far. It is set in Zimbabwe, it is adding little light on the history of the country, it is also a true testament of nothing is new under the sun. Love it! It is a short book, about two hundred page and so easy to read. It deserved that Man Booker prize if you ask me. That is all, goodnight. 

Love and light xxx

PS: I know the font looks a bit off, I apologise. Thank you again for stopping by. 

x