Before

12th March 2019

This weather is ruining my travel plans. I have been wanting to do touristy vibes in Edinburgh (not aware there is much in Glasgow) for a while. I have literally forgone my financial stability to book these tickets and the weather is really like, 'ohh sorry, didn't get the memo'. I will do it though, in the name of keeping promises I make to myself. If push comes to shove, I will stay indoors and study with my hosts. I really hope something gives, I also really wanna see the ocean for some reason too. I cannot wait to be on that train though, sucks I don't have a new book to read. I will take my collection of poems.

Whenever I have to go somewhere or do something 'social' if you may, there is a distant voice that goes, 'orrrr you could just cancel and just stay home'. I am not gonna lie, I love-hate my house, but if you paid me I'd probably never leave. I get slightly...not nervous but a bit apprehensive of going away and being with 'different' people. Sometimes I want to cancel because I have no clothes (not that I try to buy any...because money) or that my hair is a messy...just weird self-consciousness. I mean I don't normally cancel but those are just emotions I am aware of and it be like that. There is absolutely no way I am cancelling. I need my 'motherly love' fix and I am gonna get it from Naswi's mum. 

This week is so weird. Like it is a normal week, but I have taken to getting teary on the bus on my way home from school. Yesterday was because I miss my mum and today was because I felt ugly. I am not sure what I am meant to do with these emotions. I feel a little empty, I think it is because I am broke. Being broke does that to me sometimes, where I cannot concentrate and feel slightly unwell. My subconscious remains uneasy until the money is credited into my account, that is when I feel proper relieved. I have finally finished Welcome to Lagos - Chibundu Onuzo. I thought it lovely and lighthearted. A bit slow at the start, but it was different, funny and told the familiar story of corrupt Lagos with a nice touch to it. It is definitely a 4/5 for me (the day I learn to review books). In desperate need of book recommendations but might not read any fiction until after exams.

On more positive things, you know how I joined the gym and bought running clothes in January? Well, I am killing it! KILLING! I have done a full month and a half of three times a week gym sessions. And that is not even the cherry on top; I jog to the gym now and sometimes back. Therefore, I am officially at sixty kilometres mark of my total runs. I honestly knew I'd go back someday but it feels good to have started and have committed. I am also clocking in good study hours too (ish). We also passed the prescribing exam, barely but a miss is as good as a mile, no ? I have done about two weeks of sans meat/animal products meals (not consecutively), but I realised it was the same rice and potatoes so I decided I might as well eat meat. Still trying to figure out how to incorporate beans in to my vegetarian meals though. Otherwise all is well as can be, and the world continues to spin on. Anyway, I have to go pack for my trip. Love and light xxx

PS: This was written with Passenger's Whispers II in the background. A really good album worth listening to, especially the full version (on youtube or apple music) my faves being; The Way That I Need you, Two hands and Timber and Coal.

Goodnight xxx