Thoughts

Feeling like I need a little social media detox. I know I am not gonna quit just like that. So I am going to cut my usage down to 1hr 30mins this week.

I also wanna go to the gym. I am waiting for gym clothes. Woe unto me, I had them delivered to a different address. The really isn't any rest for the wicked. 

From now on, wanna do 1hr 30mins of studying each day. 

And face mask weekly :) Self care sis. [do not feel pressured Superdrug had a 20% for students]

I don’t know why but I feel like I need to change. I feel so distracted, so unfocused, so weird. I am going through that phase similar to Bojack’s where he was watching the youtube videos…but for me I wanna to come up with something tangible, worth my while. So yeah. I am gonna try… all going well. I am scared at this weird, abrupt change in lifestyle. What is the cause? Why is the cause? What I am going to do with the change? Can I handle the change? Why now. 

I couldn’t tell you why. I couldn’t tell you why now either. My problem is I love photographing moments *sigh*, I could check my mock OSCE feedback thingy actually. I think I am after the loss period, Winnie are I shouldn’t mention the break up, but that is all what most roads lead to and lead from. I have done the grieving and wyling, now for lack of a better phrase 'I am reborn', except to a weird thick emptiness. So I feel it's time to morph, to create for myself and from within myself. I feel like I need a survival guide for this phase now. So many phases bathong. I remember the why, MoUPo said we should live deliberate lives. Maybe this is the start??

I also need to get books for I like not a single one of the ones I haven’t read (from the ones I own that is). That is where I spend a lot more than necessary. But hey, deliberateness. 

I am also worried sick about fifth year bruv. Maybe that is why I am sleeping so poorly. I am two assessments away from the end, but oh the difficulty of what lies ahead. Also the importance of what has already been written. Gosh, I am not trying to be negative but those are my feelings, and I am being honest. Hopefully with regular studying and mindfulness I will be better. Yeah, that is what is right now. I miss how happy I was in 2017 lol. I am starting the gratitude journal, that actually helped in 2016. Need to have a look at those, hopefully I haven’t thrown them away. Goodnight, love and light!!