The Nuremberg Series Pt 1
So...somewhere in August/September was one of the darkest, most stagnant, most blegghh day of 2018. Like most people, my year (2018) was interesting. The happiest I have been so far was 2017...everything was going for me, I mean everything! And the losses, well, I understood and it was okay. I was on a rollercoaster that was only going up my friend. So having 2018 after 2017 was a lot for your girl. It was everything, mostly breaking up with loml (YAY for blog honesty), then not intercalating, then a year of all my trappers going to BW, financially about the same but without the happiness it felt grim and ohhh I didn't go home for summer ( big mistake, HUGE!). Anyway, I was just painting the picture. Granted, in most people's perspective this is child play but it was a lot for my pink bunnies and eternal sunshine self.
Anyway, that very dark (in my soul) yet very sunny day in August, I felt at my worst. I felt stuck, I wanted to get away, I wanted to disappear (not like die)...but I wanted a break from my normal life. I just didn't know what I was specifically feeling, but it felt like it was choking me and not in a good way. I had been googling air tickets to mostly European cities...and then lightbulb. I asked Marcel to recommend a German city/village to visit. And he did, it was Nuremberg. Marcel lived with us whilst on his elective from Germany, that is how I know him. Grew very fond of him, he is a lovely guy. The return ticket from Manchester was about £35.00...I even added priority boarding because why not? I had to make it a worthy transaction. Booked the Airbnb as well, right in that moment. I really wanted to get out of 'here'. And then not sexy part, the ghetto that is not having an EU passport, so I had to book my visa appointment. ( I feel like I have lost you, let me go back).
After, all the booking and thrill of it (mild). I felt better. Like that feeling of 'ahhh I am not feeling too bad now'. But it was short lived, so short-lived. The darkness, feeling of aloneness, sadness and feeling stuck once again reappeared. So I was going to Nuremberg in December, happyish about that. My first solo trip...but I couldn't get rid of that feeling by just booking tickets. So yeah...that is how I ended up with a trip to Germany. The feeling of 'everything bad' did get better...mostly on its own. I remember that going out with my friends, going to London, having Neha say she will sponsor my elective travels, facetimings with family and friends and some small academic achievements helped. Aaannd the semester ending was a big plus...but that is how Nuremberg started.
I am writing this because I feel bleghh now and I have no book to read and well...sharing my feels always helps. Hope your holidays go well...I am a bit unsure how I feel about mine.
Anyway, that very dark (in my soul) yet very sunny day in August, I felt at my worst. I felt stuck, I wanted to get away, I wanted to disappear (not like die)...but I wanted a break from my normal life. I just didn't know what I was specifically feeling, but it felt like it was choking me and not in a good way. I had been googling air tickets to mostly European cities...and then lightbulb. I asked Marcel to recommend a German city/village to visit. And he did, it was Nuremberg. Marcel lived with us whilst on his elective from Germany, that is how I know him. Grew very fond of him, he is a lovely guy. The return ticket from Manchester was about £35.00...I even added priority boarding because why not? I had to make it a worthy transaction. Booked the Airbnb as well, right in that moment. I really wanted to get out of 'here'. And then not sexy part, the ghetto that is not having an EU passport, so I had to book my visa appointment. ( I feel like I have lost you, let me go back).
After, all the booking and thrill of it (mild). I felt better. Like that feeling of 'ahhh I am not feeling too bad now'. But it was short lived, so short-lived. The darkness, feeling of aloneness, sadness and feeling stuck once again reappeared. So I was going to Nuremberg in December, happyish about that. My first solo trip...but I couldn't get rid of that feeling by just booking tickets. So yeah...that is how I ended up with a trip to Germany. The feeling of 'everything bad' did get better...mostly on its own. I remember that going out with my friends, going to London, having Neha say she will sponsor my elective travels, facetimings with family and friends and some small academic achievements helped. Aaannd the semester ending was a big plus...but that is how Nuremberg started.
I am writing this because I feel bleghh now and I have no book to read and well...sharing my feels always helps. Hope your holidays go well...I am a bit unsure how I feel about mine.
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