Christmas Day

Hello,  from Penkull, Stoke-on-Trent, 1303 GMT. Sorry it is not the South of France haha. 

Anyway, I did say I'd end up spending today alone. And well, here I am. Am I sad? There really isn't a need to attach emotions to everything. I am not sad. I was sad to spend Christmas of 2015 alone...that was a blow and a half. Today though...nah, but maybe the sadness will settle in. I tried to go to Eta in Kent. or to Naswi's eish but I am tired. I even declined Sara's invite too. I feel like I am comforting myself, but I am not, maybe I am. I am reading a book like that..it is so frustrating...like at one point we are killing the dogs, then the cats, the we have the psychologicals, then maybe-boyfriend and then the renouncers, gosh!! I have realised I can never win with Man Booker winners...they require a certain level of intellect which I don't posses, sadly. I will try to finish the Milkman though. 

So Christmas day. I am alone, I have a bad fever (fever to the form- nice song, listen to it), I wanna die-ish, or more accurately spend the day in bed. It is my last Christmas as student, I might be working next year. That is fine. I spent the morning listening to Lungs, it is such a dark record and I love it. I am now on Passenger,  gonna lie down with High As Hope later. I could probably have lunch as well. I also looked at sales...they bored me. Still need clothes, can somebody please go shopping with me? 

Umm then I was in my phone, looking at last year's Christmas memories. It turns out I finished 'we are all besides ourselves' on this day last year. And this is the line I resonated with most, I guess, at the end of the book; "I wonder sometimes if I'm the only one spending my life making the same mistake over and over again or if that's simply human. Do we all tend toward a single besetting sin? If so, jealousy is mine... " make what you will of it... the whole paragraph is actually profound, look it up. Here is to not making the same old mistakes. 

Being alone has me thinking of new year's resolutions. The only one I have been able to keep was that of reading. That is it. I think next year it will be; no alcohol for me. Ever! Maybe fall in love...and really try to work on my looks, like an upgrade. I really have to graduate as well and get a driver's license too. Those are them really. I think the one I kicked ass with the most was (2018 resolutions) was loving me...I really had maatla's back the best way I knew how, not always a success but we tried and hopefully next year will be better. Lessons from 2018? I really haven't got any. I honestly feel like all were things I knew. Then tended to ignore for whatever reasons ( besetting sins). Remember, there is nothing new under the sun.

I know I am not saying much here, I swear content will show up, eventually. I am saying that I am Christmasing alone (sparing everyone my loudness, for once), and I am not sad about that. I do wish you all happy holidays, and love, love in abundance. 

x