Best laid plans

This is how I would travel if I could be bothered:

First of all, forget all journeys that are more than fifteen hours long! Sorry, mom and dad.

Then, I don't know why I stopped, but I take the coach to the airport. None of that hurling my bag through escalators and 'the gap'. Hopefully, the coach is not full, and the journey is about one hour and thirty minutes, max!!

I never carry a bag that's more than a medium-sized one, whatever the condition or the nature of the trip. I normally don't like wheely carry-on luggage, however, if my check-in bag is medium-sized, my journey is that reasonable a duration, and I get to the airport by coach - I might consider a wheely carry-on… for reasons I will tell you later. 

Ideally, the climates of my destination and origin match, and my airline provides a duvet to fight the icy sky temperatures. I am wearing loose, natural fibres garments which are easy to take off, think the elephant trousers, which gap year takers are fond of. I have fluffy socks and a jumper on hand.

I don't fly British Airways or Virgin Atlantic purely because of the size of their economy-class seats. In my fantasy, I fly economy?? I don't know. If the flights are that short anyway - why spend the extra dollar? I fly something like Qatar or Emirates, but I don't pass through Dubai or Doha...remember no more than fifteen hours. 

My body self cleans... and I smell fresh without any action on my part. I think this is better than carrying toiletries and changing clothes in my carry-on or using the bathrooms in the airports and the fluids thing at every security check. However, if I can't have everything I want. I carry some toiletries and have access to a shower by hour 12 of my journey at least, and I get a free duty-free fragrance to sample. 

I don't have to deal with service agents in OR Tambo- sorry, to be honest, they haven't been bad - just that my gripe is with British Airways, I suppose. 

I am never delayed, by anything.

I have both window and isle seats and I don’t care if that doesn’t make sense. I don’t go anywhere where a visa is needed  and that’s on period. I don’t know, the roads of my destination match England’s and car rental is £5/day. Yeah… what else ? I eat at home and on arrival. I never have to use to loos (not that there is usually anything wrong with them really).

THERE IS NEVER EVER ANY TURBULENCE, ever!

[I have been out of sorts. This was drafted on my last layover on my journey from LHR to GBE, so much drama but on further reconsideration - not really. I had lost my luggage (didn’t know when I was drafting this intially). Again, it turns out it’s a common occurance too. And most of them are recovered (bogus stats but hey hoo). Anyway, mine was returned in one piece. I am actually very grateful…the drama that would have been!!! Also that lady lied to me are my luggage was loaded on to the vessel in LHR. Anyway, all is fair in aviation I guess. The situation in Heathrow was pretty dire, I am quite concerned about the industry but their tickets cost all my body ( instead of an arm and a leg, get it ??? Hahaha)…so yeah they will be fine.]

Bottomline: rail over air travel, Christmas is a scam and work holidays if you can. This is again typed on my phone, sorry for typos. 

Happy holidays!